Who Are We?
This question is probably the second biggest question that needs answering in your life (second to “Where will I go when I die?”).
This site is for those of you who have sincere intent on finding the ONE soul mate for you.
If you find value in what to look for and in making the right relationship, please read on and enjoy.
First, we must understand what love is.
In a deep relationship all three types of love must be obtained and maintained for the relationship to be permanent.
Here are the three types that should also come in this order:
The definition of Love has been distorted immensely which is why we must go back to the Greek.
The three most common types of Love in Greek are:
Agape: Which refers to an unconditional love (“I love you no matter what, and for no specific reason, just because I choose to”)
Phileo: Brotherly love (the kind of bond between brothers and/or kin)
Eros: Sexual love (physical intimacy, deep trust, an infusion of identity)
I believe the first two types of love can and should be for almost anyone of your choosing, no matter what the gender. The third type is specifically reserved for a man and a woman hence the physical design of the body that allows this.
Here is a comical video I found on “Love vs. Like”:
Here are some other videos by the same author that I mostly agree with that can be helpful to your understanding.
“Ten Ways to Get the Right Guy to Like You”
For the guys:
“Ten Ways to Get Girls to Like You”
A testimony is probably a good tool on learning how to choose a life partner. Below I have provided my story to help you answer the question “who should I marry?” In choosing a spouse it is vital that the person you seek shares the same beliefs and faith as you do, this is what it means to be “evenly yoked,” and it is a critical element for the ideal spouse.
I have asked this question many times probably starting around the age of thirteen. I knew that I have always wanted a companion that was more than a friend but also a comforter and in time I wanted a family of my own as well.
Hello, my name is Christopher and I will be telling you the story on how I came to know who the love of my life is.
I grew up as a third born in a family of eleven. I am very thankful that my parents have chosen to remain together for life with respects to us nine children.
My parents had a lot of disagreements that led to verbal fights, and I always wished I could say or do something to fix the problem between them.
I often found myself misunderstood and was considered to be different or more emotional than my brothers.
I grew up talking to Jesus in my room, He wouldn’t talk back but I knew He was always there, His presence always comforted me and I knew He was always listening. Sometimes I found myself talking to the family black cat named Shadow. When I was in trouble I would talk to him and he would just listen and purr. Cat’s can be great friends but they do not talk nor are they like humans. I was very sad when the neighbor’s dog choked Shadow to death. As I grew older, I felt a need of a comforter that was both spiritual and physical, in other words a human being, more specifically a future spouse.
And so I found myself in my teens hanging out with some acquaintances who viewed girls as “personal objects who existed only for their self-pleasure”. I believed that this is NOT the way to view girls and I instead looked for qualities in the girls I met. I searched on my own for a companion for about two years and I could see that this wasn’t going anywhere and that I wasn’t making any progress with this search.
One day, I went to a particular sermon with my mother and I learned a critical new view on what to search for. The pastor explained that “God made a perfect mate for each man since birth or even before, and when you go on a date with someone else you are cheating on your future spouse that God designed for you”. I hung onto this and thought about it for a few months and decided to submit to the will of God. I prayed to God:
“Heavenly Father, I believe that you have the perfect spouse for me (especially since you know more about me than I know about myself), and I am no longer going to do things the worlds way or to search for myself, but I am going to go about serving You and wait for you to reveal the perfect companion (spouse) that You have designed for me. In Jesus name amen”.
I said this prayer with the mindset that God generally works slowly, so I was expecting to wait two to three years for an answer to that prayer, but instead it came in just three months!
I was attending Friday night high school youth group as usual and the youth pastor was in the middle of the sermon when God spoke to my heart and said “see that woman in the front, she is to be your wife”. It was Laura, whom I had befriended through email for the past two years. I asked God “are you sure? Laura is my friend” He said “yes, I have planned it this way”. And I said “now that you mention that, I guess I can see that, wow! I was totally blind-sighted to this before.” And from that moment on I knew God was going to hold true to His promise of my future wife, only time was between me and my wife that God had prepared. Of Course, Laura knew nothing of this for quite some time.
Flashback: Up to this point Laura and I met when I was fifteen (I had my day-time Drivers license) and we initially met at church in the coffee shop where I met her sister Anna as well. I then followed her and Sam the youth group leader to Sam’s house that day where the entire youth group was having a gathering for the Super-bowl. They had an upstairs TV for the kids and a downstairs TV for the older people. The upstairs TV played a movie (I think Shrek) and the downstairs TV played the game. I would walk upstairs to grab snacks quite often and would pass by Laura on the stairs when I went back down or back up again. There was something about her that was different. I developed this very strange feeling in my stomach that was a great feeling but it hurt at the same time, I didn’t know what to think of it and I eventually went out to my truck to figure it out. The youth leader Sam saw that I was out in my truck in the driveway and came out to check on me. He asked me what was going on. I then described to him what I felt, and he said “sounds like you have a crush”. I had heard of a crush but had no idea what it was like until this point. This was the one and only crush I have ever experienced for anyone in my life. The next few weekends I tried to pursue her, friends told me that she liked me, but false rumors broke loose (some from a friend of hers) and we didn’t start anything up. Time just went by.
A small time later email became popular and I was excited to open my own email account. I printed out my email address and handed it to everyone at youth group hoping to get Laura to email me. She didn’t, nor did anyone else. I was bummed out but definitely not willing to give up. I tried again the next week, and I got one of Laura’s friends to email me (Bethany who was also a neighbor of hers). Bethany is always friendly and she has a great sense of humor, she is also often accused of being a matchmaker. I emailed her back and forth several times and then attempted to get Laura’s email from her, and I was successful!
I then started emailing Laura and she quickly learned the truth about me and we became friends over time. We would be too shy to talk to each other in person at church except for a few surface words, but we would then rush home and be excited to express what was on our hearts through email. We each had times (mostly me) where we would get a little worried that we hadn’t received an email in response yet, but would then receive it a day or two later. We talked to each other and shared details about our days. A few months after we started the habit of emailing each other was the age I entered the phase of seeking for a companion on my own abilities (I was about fifteen and a half). I come to find out years later that I was emailing to her families email address the whole time. Yeah, I didn’t realize that she didn’t have her own account. Sometimes her dad would spy on some of our emails, good thing we kept everything clean. End of flashback.
Note: I also made a book consisting of four years of our emails, the first year disappeared because the email account automatically deleted, but I was thinking of maybe publishing our story with the actual emails attached.
In April, 2005, my parents have invested in me to go to L’abri Fellowship in its founded place of Huemoz, Switzerland. It would be a three months journey (the first on my own) in a country away from the usual life atmosphere to search for a deeper intimacy with God and His will in my life. After God gave me the promise and revealing of my future wife I waited for Him to open windows. And of course He did. At the time God revealed His plan for me I was seventeen and about six months after His revelation, in the middle of April, He set up a big day for me and Laura. I was actively involved as a third man in a Christian rap group called “Under Alliance” (www.underalliance.com), I designed an instrumental and wrote lyrics with a main singing role on which I wanted Laura to sing (she is an excellent singer). So just a few days before my departure to Switzerland I asked Laura if she would come to our music studio in Moscow, Idaho and record the part I wrote for her to sing. Her parents said they would think about it. The Sunday I planned to depart to Moscow, I met Laura’s father for the first time and he somehow liked the first impression of me and allowed Laura to go! Laura would ride with a friend who planned on going there anyway and return with me at the end of the day! I burned a CD mix that had specific songs with lyrics of what I wanted to share with her, and I was determined to at least tell her that I was interested in her before I would leave for Switzerland.
I followed Laura and her friend to Moscow to a coffee shop and she switched into my car, we then went to the recording studio. During the recording of her part I was so excited to have a recording of her beautiful voice that I was jumping up and down outside of the recording room asking my fellow musicians “isn’t she awesome, Isn’t she awesome!”
On the way back home from Moscow, with small bits of chatter and mostly just listening to the CD I burned, I was trying to work up the courage to tell her how I felt. The final song was a tear jerker piece from Andre Rieu. After the song, just as we were almost to her home, I looked at her and said “I like you” and she looked away and said “…thank you”. But without becoming offended, the Holy Spirit told me how she really felt and I knew it was foreign ground to her. I was comforted with the sign of progress in our relationship and was glad I shared that with her before I left for Switzerland two days later.
My time at L’abri was a great adventure. I had limited time on the pay phone with my parents and limited time on the internet to email Laura. We learned to attach Bible verse references to communicate how we felt about each other in our emails. I received my first letter from Laura a few weeks in and it contained some pictures of her and her family. I took her picture and ran around L’abri showing all of my new friends saying “this is my future wife!” There was another letter she sent that didn’t arrive till after I left Switzerland that I had forwarded to me in the States. It was a very serious letter from her explaining that she wanted to be intimate with the Lord and to know His will. She had to surrender me over to the Lord trusting in Him to do the work between us according to His will, whatever it is. And this act of turning her feelings over to the Lord is something every believer should do. It is a growing point in the Lord, and a strong act of faith to trust in the Lord and His desire to bless you. This is what I did when I said that prayer to Him. Now we are both committed to the Lord’s will in our relationship, and He can paint a beautiful picture this way.